i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
pop tarts are not kleenex
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
