That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
