imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
