Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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