I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
