so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
