I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
