They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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