So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
where are you?
Hypothermia
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
