some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
