I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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