Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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