I cannot find my penis.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
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Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
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They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize