i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
