You're so nebulous sometimes
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
