Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
