I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
