apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
