Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize