WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You can't special order awesome
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
