We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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