Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
