Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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