The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
