jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I can't put those talents on a resume
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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