I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
