Your tits are I can't wait for
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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