If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
