i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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