Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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