Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
