is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
