apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
