Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.