I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.