The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dating After Heartbreak
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance