last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
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Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
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Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site