When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic