I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol