my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.