Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
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It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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