i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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