i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
