I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
