I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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