I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
