if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
