ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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