I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
