yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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