guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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