I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
