i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
