just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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