I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
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