now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
