Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
