And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
