just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
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I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
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It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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