fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I can't put those talents on a resume
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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