how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Randomize