i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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