I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
