So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
