You made me cry and you don't even care
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
