Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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