Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
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eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
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My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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