i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
