so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
