The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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